Surviving the Unthinkable

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Hey everyone, I'm Ann.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.

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In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back and discover how to take charge of our own growth.

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If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.

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It's time to get naked.

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Let's talk about being honest with ourselves, truly, brutally, humbly honest.

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Not the performative kind where we say I'm working on myself while still lying to our reflection every morning.

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I mean the kind of honesty that guts you first and rebuilds you later.

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The kind that doesn't care about your social feed, your curated identity or whatever sanitized version of your story you've been selling to yourself and the world.

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The kind of honesty that whispers hey, maybe you're not the victim or the hero in every situation.

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Maybe you're just figuring it out like everyone else.

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But here's the problem.

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We've let our egos drive the bus.

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We've handed over the keys, the map, the snacks, and now we're wondering why the trip feels hollow, why we're lost, why nothing ever quite feels like enough.

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Ego doesn't care about truth, it cares about comfort.

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It's a control freak with a God complex.

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It wants to protect you from shame, from vulnerability, from failure, but it also traps you in a box where you can't grow.

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Your ego is the one telling you that admitting you're wrong will ruin you.

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That changing course is weakness.

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That if people saw the real you, the insecure, uncertain, messy version, they'd walk that voice.

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That's not your gut, that's your ego, talking through a megaphone, dressed like your best friend.

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And we believe it because it's easier, because owning up to our blind spots feels like death, to the false self we've constructed.

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Hotspots feels like death to the false self we've constructed.

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But here's the deal that version of you built on pride, performance, image, reputation.

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It's not the real you.

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It's a hologram that needs constant upkeep.

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You're not your ego, you're not your job title, you're not your trauma.

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You're not the mask you've been fine-tuning since high school.

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You are what's left when all of that burns off.

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And the faster we get honest about that, the freer we get.

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Now here's where it gets weird and beautiful.

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If you can cut through the noise and face yourself without flinching, without running back into ego's arms, you start to tap into something deeper, something unshakable.

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Call it flow, call it peace.

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Call it faith.

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Not religious dogma or borrowed beliefs.

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Faith like a knowing, a surrender, a trust that something beyond your ego is steering this whole thing, that if you show up real and let go of the outcome, life starts to meet you where you are.

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Synchronicity kicks in doors, open, open Connections.

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Feel real, time moves differently because you're finally in alignment not with the world's expectations but with your truth.

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Faith in that sense is the anecdote to ego.

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Where ego says control, faith says trust.

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Where ego says prove, faith says be.

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Where ego says never let them see you sweat, faith says sweat, cry, laugh, just show up.

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And yeah, it's hard.

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It's hard to be honest in a world addicted to pretending.

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It's hard to trust in something invisible when we're trained to worship only what we can measure, monetize and post about.

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But the truth is all that posturing and striving.

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It's exhausting and underneath it we're all starving for something real.

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So here it is Stop letting your ego do the talking.

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Call yourself out lovingly but firmly.

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Get off the hamster wheel of validation.

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Let yourself be wrong, let yourself grow, find your flow and, for the love of whatever you believe in, get honest, because nothing else works without it.

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Today I'm getting real and vulnerable with Tricia Thomas.

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Tricia is a wife, mother, teacher, assistant and teller of truth.

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Let's get curious about her experience.

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Welcome to the show, tricia.

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Hi, thank you, absolutely so for our listeners.

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Tricia is coming to me almost as a surprise because I don't have a lot of background to Tricia's story, which is excellent, because I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve, you know right now.

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But I do know that you have an impactful story that kind of happened to you sounds like several years ago that I would love to maybe just start with, if you don't mind, and then we'll kind of back into the other things that kind of, you know, either led up to that or how you've healed afterwards or some of the things that go around that.

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So, if you don't mind, just we're just going to dive right in okay.

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Well, yeah, the big elephant in the room that I don't always have a lot of space to talk about was um, in 2002 I was a graduate of a college and I just had my first job and was living on my own and I decided to go out with some friends.

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Uh, and it just turned into like a mother's worst nightmare, like my mom got the phone call in the middle of the night, come to the hospital and what had happened was I just had had probably too much to drink, was possibly drugged, and then woke up in the car with three strange men and then just fought for my life to get out of that car and just kind of came to and knew I was going in the wrong direction because I saw a sign on the highway that was towards a city that was opposite.

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I was living in North Carolina at the time.

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That's my home state and that's where I picked up a little bit of a Southern accent, but I was not born in the.

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South, believe it or not, but anyway, yeah.

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So in the vehicle with the three strangers, I was just like woke up and started saying, like who are you?

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Where are we going?

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With like all my might and like you just have, I just had a voice inside me that was just like I didn't even recognize, like just like, get me out of here.

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And um, so I, when they said they were going to either rape me or you know just were using vulgar language and.

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I was like no, I never said that, I don't know what you're talking about.

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I knew I had to get out of there, yeah, and it was just like an instinct to get out.

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Knew I had to get out of there, yeah, and it was just like an instinct to get out, um, and so I tried to crash the vehicle by jumping to the front seat and trying to steer the wheel so maybe I could get the attention on the highway.

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I me hit me and my two front teeth were knocked out when my face hit the window.

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And, um, I knew that immediately because the way your tongue hits your teeth, it's just that's immediate.

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So that was very um traumatic in itself how old were you when this happened?

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uh 22 yeah, that's scary.

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Do you remember the men when you were at the bar, or is that?

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You don't remember any of that and then, all of a sudden, you just come to in a car with people?

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Yeah, driving you the wrong way, correct.

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Were you at the bar with friends?

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Yes, okay, that is a mother's worst nightmare.

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Just by the way, the, the idea of like being out and being, you know, drugged or otherwise.

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That and it happens all the time you know, I look at these.

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I look at our young girls nowadays and I just don't feel like when, when you know, you know I'm, I'm older.

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So I just don't remember that ever being kind of a consideration for stuff.

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And now I think it just happens so often that it's like very scary.

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Yes.

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Very scary.

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Yeah, it was not on my radar, right, you didn't even think, right?

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You're like going out with friends celebrating.

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We're having drinks, we're doing the thing, and then this whole thing happens.

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Yes, so how did?

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you get away from from that, yeah, uh.

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So after my teeth were knocked out, I'm like bleeding and kind of panicking.

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I just immediately started saying the Lord's Prayer.

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It was my go-to and I had memorized it in college and it was from a bookmark that my mom had given me and she thought it was important to memorize and so I did.

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And I just started saying the Lord's Prayer out loud and the men in the front were like don't bring the Lord into this, and it got kind of quiet.

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And then the driver said to the passenger in the front seat should we let her out?

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I was asking to get out.

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Yeah, like, let me out and I was trying to open the door.

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I mean all the scenarios Right Now.

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That's scary and so they, after I said the Lord's Prayer, they pulled over and let me out and I was on a like a major highway so you were able to flag somebody else down.

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Uh, unfortunately, no.

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Um, it was in the middle of the night and I was.

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I knew I had to get back, go in the opposite direction, and I saw a light on the opposite side of the highway and so I wanted to go towards the street light and so I crossed through the highway and through the.

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There was a huge construction zone.

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I jumped, I went over a median, a cement median barrier, and then I'm like in mud.

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I I remember that.

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I remember trudging through that and then climbing over another cement barrier.

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And I was on the highway going back eastbound, where I needed to go, and I I heard a vehicle coming and my idea was to flag someone down, sure, and so I threw my hands in the air and just cried out with all my being God help me.

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And at that moment I was hit by a truck that was going like 60, whatever the speed limit is 65 miles per hour, and it was a delivery truck and he stopped and, yeah, the whole highway was stopped at that point.

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That's terrible.

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Yeah, so I was struck by a truck as a pedestrian and I don't remember.

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I just remember throwing my arms in the air and crying out to the Lord to help me.

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I had no idea that that truck was going to hit me.

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I thought in my mind, because I was so disoriented, that they're like on the highway and I'm on the median.

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But in fact I was like in the road because the cement barrier was right up to the median because of the construction.

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So you think you're on the side of the road and you're actually right in the middle of the road.

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I'm right in the middle of the road.

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I didn't know.

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Oh my gosh.

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Yeah, so.

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So I'm assuming they send an ambulance and come pick you up and then your mom gets the absolute worst phone call ever yes.

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What happened to you from the?

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Obviously the teeth knocked out, which sounds terrible.

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What happened to you from the truck too, I mean, what did that look like?

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So I've been thinking about this and it's just like so many people were just like orchestrated and like getting me from there to the hospital because I was basically bleeding to death at that point.

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So they just had to scoop me up and put me in the ambulance and take me to the nearest hospital, which happened to be Duke University Hospital, to be Duke University Hospital and that was a huge blessing because they have a huge trauma unit and so I was broken from head to toe.

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I had a skull fracture, scalp laceration, broken ribs, my right ulna was broken, my pelvis was shattered and my sacrum.

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That was the main issue.

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The mark.

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Yeah, that was the main issue that they needed to.

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Like, my lungs had a scratch and my liver.

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So I woke up in the ICU and my dad was like, hey, you were hit by a truck truck and I uh just immediately asked if I could walk again and if I could uh bear children, because those were the two most important things to me, my 22 year old mind, at the moment.

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So, um, yeah, that was a lot of healing from that point on, like it was.

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I remember ICU was rough, yeah, yeah.

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There's just a lot.

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There's a lot that goes into that.

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Yeah, and like they were still like, I had a huge clump of hair, just like matted from the blood and they that?

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because I guess that wasn't a concern.

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They were more concerned about putting my pelvis back together and I couldn't move out of the bed or anything Like.

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I had a pelvic fixator on and I'm like, what is all this?

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And just a lot of wounds from being on the highway and being struck.

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So, um, but yeah, this clump of hair I'll never forget.

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My hair protected my head and from the scalp laceration.

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They didn't, um, I don't know, probably in all the chaos, chaos, they did not put stitches in right away and so they just kept seeing blood on my pillow and I just remember it was like very, it's kind of spotty and I remember them trying to comb my hair and it was just so excruciatingly painful and I was screaming and crying and I am on like heavy duty, like painkillers and it is hurting, sure, and, um, they and then a surgeon, or a surgeon or I don't know someone who could sew me up right, someone in a doctor costume.

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Yeah, yeah, and it was crazy because, like my aunt's there, my dad's there, everybody's in the room and he's like turn your head and they go with the clippers.

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And you know you're just like okay, all.

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It almost feels surreal, like while you're dealing with that.

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Didn't you feel like that when you?

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were you know waking up in the hospital and going like trying to piece things back together a little bit of what the hell just happened yes, and I don't recommend talking to anyone in ICU when they're under that much anesthesia or uh, painkillers and stuff, because it was just like so real and so raw in the moment that anytime somebody would bring it up to me, like when they had an officer, because my parents were trying to get to the bottom of it.

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Sure my mom knew I was there against my will.

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She's like she's not just walking around on the highway in the middle of the night.

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So when the police officers came to talk to me, I just remember being really distraught and really upset and just not really being able to piece together what happened, and so I don't think I was really helping myself in that moment and it just was.

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That's wild.

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How many friends did you have out with you at the bar when you were there?

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What does that look like?

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Because, as a parent of young daughters for me I'm like, okay, let's talk about.

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What are we?

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What do we tell our daughters so that they know what to look for or what to be careful of or what to avoid?

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Or you know, when we went out to the bar when I was younger, like if you came with me, you're coming home with me, and so I don't like what does that look like in your friend group?

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I would definitely reiterate that, yeah, came with me, go home with me, um with a friend and just say, hey, we're in it, do or die like right, right, you're not going with somebody else, but is that what, like what?

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when you circled back with your friends afterwards, were they like you were just gone one minute or the next minute, or was it like you say, like no, no, I'm going with them, because obviously when someone drugs, you're not with it, but you're still, yeah, doing all of the things right, like still walking, talking, um, you know, we know that it isn't like you just fall over on the ground, which is even scarier because you could be telling your friends like no, I'm gonna go have fun, or whatever.

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That looks like right oh yes.

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So, um, well, we had planned on watching a football game and we did, and it was fun and games, and the football game was over, they won, everybody's having a good time, and my friend was ready to go home and some friends of hers offered to give me a ride home because we were still ready to have fun.

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Yeah, because our team just won, yeah and uh.

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So her friends said that they would give me a ride home, and I, I remember that, and then we weren't going home at the first bar, and then I started asking.

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I remember asking other friends.

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I knew who were there.

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It's a small town, it's not?

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it's not uber friendly.

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Probably back in 2002 either, I didn't.

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I don't know if it was even a thing back then yeah it.

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Well, in North Carolina I don't know how it is in college towns here but you just kind of run into everyone that you know and I was asking anyone and everyone that I knew, because the people who I, who were acquaintances, um, were not going home and I was ready to go home.

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And then I just started asking anyone that I knew okay, I'm ready to go home, I would like to go, are you going home?

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You know, and they're like, no, sorry, yeah, no.

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And uh, I was like okay.

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So I ended up going with the two acquaintances and we got in the car and we're leaving and they're like, oh, we want to go to one more bar, we'll check it out.

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And I was like, oh, no, I don't want to.

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I knew I was, I was ready to go home, right, and um, yeah, I mean I was definitely intoxicated at that point.

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There's just no way I was getting myself home Right, and it wasn't the day and age of let me call an Uber.

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I think I had a cell phone, but it wasn't like.

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It is now Right.

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Were you attached at the hip Right.

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I don't remember that being on my radar of who I was going to call to come get me and I think that's kind of weird to think about now because that's not really the situation Like now.

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I think young women would have that outlet to call the 100 people on their list I don't know Instant message someone Put it out there on any of the things, the platforms.

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All of the ways that we communicate now, mayday, yeah.

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So, yeah, I would hope that they would do that and don't be ashamed.

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If you need to do that, yeah, just do it.

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Yeah, but yeah.

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So we ended up going to another bar and I continued to drink and it was too much and I don't really remember much other than walking in the door and then trying to get back in the door to get my things when I left.

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I remember trying to get back in like, hey, I left my things, I need to go.

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And the man with the broom saying no, no, sorry, your things aren't in here, and that's all.

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I mean that's waking up in a vehicle with three strange men.

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So so I think the time frame from the last bar and then where I was on the highway was probably about um 20, 30 minutes, okay, I would think the night.

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So maybe I passed.

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I fell asleep because I woke up right in the car with this.

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Three strange men was like who are you?

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Where are we going, what are we doing?

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and they threatened me there's something so vulnerable about being young and not, I mean, think about what you know now as as compared to what you knew then, just about how the world works and how people are and all of that.

00:21:45.207 --> 00:22:08.121
Like it feels very scary to me to have daughters that are in their early 20s, navigating life, because, yes, there's all of this stuff that happens, that that, oh, yes, yeah, I mean they also need to be careful with their uber drivers now, yeah, with lift riders and with everything, everything.

00:22:08.221 --> 00:22:11.887
So it is important, I think, to have a plan.

00:22:12.028 --> 00:22:20.242
Yeah did in north carolina, when you were younger, was obviously in college, I'm assuming alcohol was kind of glamorized right.

00:22:20.242 --> 00:22:35.902
I find that with young people that it's like it was for me for sure, right Of just we're going to party, we're going to have a good time, and you just don't even kind of consider some of those, the big bad wolf that's out there, right, and tell you her stories like this where it's like, holy shit, that happens, right.

00:22:35.902 --> 00:22:39.248
I mean, this is a pivotal point for you in your life, I'm guessing.

00:22:39.647 --> 00:22:52.519
Yes, oh yeah, I mean I almost died from a night of partying.

00:22:52.519 --> 00:22:55.444
Yeah, I definitely would not be here if I had not.

00:22:55.444 --> 00:22:58.169
Like, I don't even know.

00:22:58.169 --> 00:23:10.346
I'm sure the Lord had a plan and all that, because I did cry out to him with all my being, so all my faith is like in him.

00:23:10.346 --> 00:23:26.123
When I woke up, even, it was like Lord, you helped me, like I literally cried out with you, because that was the last thing that I remembered was just crying out with all my being for God to save me, and I knew he had.

00:23:26.123 --> 00:23:41.536
When I woke up and I'm like, surrounded by loved ones and even though I didn't really know what had happened, all I wanted was the truth, know what had happened.

00:23:41.556 --> 00:24:10.654
All I wanted was the truth and, of course, I wanted to be able to know everything and anything that happened and who these men were and who was I with and what you know I wanted to know all that and it wasn't happening and uh, so I had to seek the truth in God's word and going to church and just kind of, yeah, it was pivotal in my life, I wasn't searching for the next party anymore, right?

00:24:10.835 --> 00:24:20.776
Yeah, I mean that kind of is a big wake-up call right at the Were you raised with faith and religion or whatever your background in that is.

00:24:20.776 --> 00:24:28.906
Or was that more of a kind of a come to jesus a little bit event where you're like, oh shit, I you know, yeah, I did ask for help and here he is kind of thing.

00:24:29.348 --> 00:24:32.837
It was definitely a come to jesus moment, like personally for me.

00:24:32.837 --> 00:24:37.484
Um, growing up, great family, mom and dad loved me.

00:24:37.484 --> 00:24:41.490
It was not regular.

00:24:41.490 --> 00:24:46.307
We didn't attend church regularly or really talk about faith.

00:24:46.307 --> 00:24:54.560
I attended a Methodist church, I think, when I was a baby and it was like I was christened.

00:24:54.560 --> 00:25:04.549
So they like did that, I think, when my parents were younger and that was part of the community we were in then when I was born.

00:25:04.549 --> 00:25:20.022
But we moved around a lot and it was my mom worked nights as a third shift nurse and so you know I think the weekends were taken up, so church wasn't a priority.

00:25:20.022 --> 00:25:44.824
So now, as like a mother, church is a priority for my family because it just gives me so much more purpose in knowing who the Lord is and not just aimlessly living my life like checking off one box to the next of yeah, get my degree, get a job, move into an apartment, yes, those are all wonderful.

00:25:44.954 --> 00:26:06.778
Like I was so independent and so proud of myself and then, yeah, so it's kind of I went through a lot of guilt and still do in a way because my life did change, like I didn't have the whole uh era of my career and independence.

00:26:06.778 --> 00:26:19.607
It was more like recovery right from the accident and getting stronger and my health and what's next for me and what's really important.

00:26:19.607 --> 00:26:30.602
I wanted to go back so bad to like where I was, like maybe go back and get that last job I had, but it just didn't seem right.

00:26:30.602 --> 00:26:31.786
I don't know.

00:26:31.786 --> 00:26:32.980
I was in a different place.

00:26:32.980 --> 00:26:39.128
I had to move to a different city, live with my parents temporarily.

00:26:39.128 --> 00:26:42.726
They had to basically piece me back together.

00:26:42.726 --> 00:26:45.324
I was in physical therapy for a long time.

00:26:46.055 --> 00:26:48.923
How long was the physical recovery from this incident?

00:26:49.915 --> 00:26:55.607
I'd say it took at least a year to get to where I could get back out and work.

00:26:55.607 --> 00:27:11.829
And I did work as an interior designer for a little bit then and then I was just attending church and so, like I felt normal, felt good, but a lot had changed.

00:27:11.829 --> 00:27:17.922
My body had changed because I was struck by a truck.

00:27:17.922 --> 00:27:25.371
I had a lot of injuries and different body composition I had to deal with.

00:27:25.371 --> 00:27:31.625
Yeah, and as a young woman that's really hard, yeah.

00:27:32.395 --> 00:27:33.539
Yeah, I know you think back to.

00:27:33.539 --> 00:27:39.227
I think back to being 22, and I think, God, that's a lot on your plate to be able to deal with.

00:27:39.227 --> 00:27:43.906
What does the emotional and mental kind of healing look like for you?

00:27:43.906 --> 00:27:54.636
Do you feel like that's something that you kind of addressed right away, or is that something that has kind of drug around you behind you like a wrecking ball a little bit, and not even kind?

00:27:54.678 --> 00:27:56.825
of realize the impact of that stuff.

00:27:56.825 --> 00:28:02.441
I find that that kind of ends up being typical for lots of different big events that people happen.

00:28:02.441 --> 00:28:12.411
They think, okay, I'm fine and you get the physical part of it healed, but then it's like, okay, well, what does that look like for the emotional and the mental aspects of just how scary that whole situation is?

00:28:12.411 --> 00:28:17.946
And being in a situation I can't even imagine waking up in a car with you know three dudes that are there to do harm.

00:28:20.194 --> 00:28:38.304
imagine waking up in a car with you know three dudes that are there to do harm, right, um, and then obviously that doesn't even factor in the hit by a truck yeah, so you know, did you feel like you were able to kind of start healing from that on the mental and emotional side right away, or no, I you drug that around behind you for a while it was, yeah, definitely have um PTSD from it.

00:28:38.763 --> 00:28:49.980
Um, and right away I went into therapy and had to process just the uh, shame and guilt that came with it.

00:28:49.980 --> 00:28:59.951
Um of man, if I would have just made a few different choices there, I wouldn't be in this situation.

00:28:59.951 --> 00:29:08.163
And so just getting past that and just realizing that, okay, I can't change what has happened, I need to move forward.

00:29:08.163 --> 00:29:34.268
And so I processed it and a lot of it was with my faith and just reading God's word and like there's so much in the Bible that was helpful to me and comforting, knowing that the Lord was with me that night, even though it was a horrible situation.

00:29:34.268 --> 00:29:40.125
He was with me that night and he always is with me and just kind of always returning to the Lord.

00:29:40.125 --> 00:29:44.895
And yes, I was young still, yeah, just a baby.

00:29:44.936 --> 00:29:47.484
So I was still going off the beaten path a little bit.

00:29:47.484 --> 00:29:55.409
Sure, I was trying to go back to my old ways a little bit, a few times, and then nope that's not still not working.

00:29:56.695 --> 00:30:12.632
Yeah, and so I just decided it's just like a decision to follow what's right and really stick to that.

00:30:12.632 --> 00:30:20.349
And so I started meeting new friends.

00:30:20.349 --> 00:30:31.421
I was in a new city, meeting new friends at church and also keeping old friends, and you know they were such a huge support system for me.

00:30:31.421 --> 00:30:36.211
Um, oh man, I don't want to.

00:30:36.211 --> 00:30:47.615
They're a really huge support system for me while I was in the hospital, and so it's um, so it was like combining the old with the new.

00:30:49.057 --> 00:30:56.615
It wasn't completely out with the old, and I couldn't forget what happened, like some people wanted me to just forget what happened and just move on.

00:30:56.615 --> 00:31:05.932
And it's not, it's kind of just like embedded in my body, and even now going to therapy it's.

00:31:05.932 --> 00:31:14.938
I love learning more about that and how it's just it's basically in my nervous system.

00:31:14.938 --> 00:31:20.471
I never really realized, like, how your body holds on to these things, and I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or what.

00:31:20.471 --> 00:31:25.982
You're getting wiser, that's what I guess I'm getting wiser, but it's true, though you learn all of those things I'm still processing, yeah.

00:31:27.006 --> 00:31:40.888
And it's interesting because when you said people telling you like just get over it right At any stage in any of that, they maybe don't understand that your body does hold on to that kind of at a molecular level and that it is really important to kind of unearth that stuff.

00:31:40.888 --> 00:31:50.528
You know, you mentioned something about having guilt and it feels like maybe that's still something that needs to be addressed right because you still feel like you're carrying the weight of that around.

00:31:51.531 --> 00:31:52.334
No judgment that's.

00:31:52.334 --> 00:31:54.708
I mean, we all do that from the different stuff that we deal with.

00:31:54.708 --> 00:32:02.980
But if you didn't know that, oh, I do see where I'm carrying that around or I do see where that's still affecting me, um, and there's work to be done with it.

00:32:02.980 --> 00:32:04.365
You know that's powerful.

00:32:04.365 --> 00:32:05.528
That's powerful work.

00:32:05.528 --> 00:32:17.807
You know, I look at that stuff and it's like I want to be the best, lightest possible, you know freest version of myself that I can and that takes dirty, gross work of getting in and seeing like, why do I feel guilty about this?

00:32:17.753 --> 00:32:19.365
you know unpacking, all of getting in and seeing like why do I feel guilty about this?

00:32:19.311 --> 00:32:20.538
You know, unpacking, all of that.

00:32:20.558 --> 00:32:20.920
Yes.

00:32:21.140 --> 00:32:23.342
And seeing, like, where does this stem from?

00:32:23.342 --> 00:32:24.266
You know, because you would.

00:32:24.266 --> 00:32:32.009
I look back at different things that I got myself into when I was a younger you know younger girl, and it was like what was my part in that?

00:32:32.009 --> 00:32:38.977
Right, because I drank a lot when I was younger Not saying you drank a lot, but in that in that evening you drank a lot, but in that in that evening you drank a lot, right, like I drank a lot, right.

00:32:39.017 --> 00:32:48.794
And then it was like I don't feel like I have the right to kind of be hurt for situations I put myself in because I did that and it's like no, that's actually not true.

00:32:48.794 --> 00:32:50.847
Like, yes, both of those things can be true.

00:32:50.847 --> 00:33:01.589
Yes, I drank too much and I put myself in situations that kept me at risk, but also it doesn't negate the fact that somebody took advantage of you in that moment those, you know, those men.

00:33:01.589 --> 00:33:03.815
It doesn't change that fact.

00:33:03.815 --> 00:33:10.096
And so really being able to kind of like set down the guilt for that or any any of that, that just kind of still holds you.

00:33:10.846 --> 00:33:34.478
It's important to be able to release that, so that it doesn't weigh on you and that you're not carrying it around and then passing it down to your kiddos, right, right you have kiddos, I do okay, tell me ages and I have a 16 year old son and a 15 year old daughter, okay, and uh, yeah, so maybe it's just like stirring up in me all of these, like whoa when I was that young yeah, yeah me.

00:33:34.778 --> 00:33:35.768
Did you talk with your parents about stuff?

00:33:35.768 --> 00:33:36.652
Were you open with them when you were young?

00:33:36.652 --> 00:33:38.298
Do you feel like, or was it nearly as open as my kids are with me and I love stuff?

00:33:38.298 --> 00:33:39.182
Were you open with them when you were young?

00:33:39.182 --> 00:33:41.432
Do you feel like, or was it Not nearly as open as my kids are with?

00:33:41.612 --> 00:33:49.530
me and I love that they're so open with me and that we can have all of these conversations and it's like a it's all.

00:33:49.530 --> 00:33:58.111
There's always a teaching moment in there For both sides, probably right, like I find that my kiddos are like my biggest teachers, right, so I'm teaching them, they're teaching me.

00:33:58.151 --> 00:34:01.013
That's just who I'm doing life with and that feels fun.

00:34:01.013 --> 00:34:07.000
So I'm assuming your kiddos know about this incident that happened, or do you not have you talked to them about that?

00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:12.784
Like, how do you prepare them for being in a position where they could potentially be vulnerable to somebody taking advantage?

00:34:13.485 --> 00:34:24.630
So when I was on the last podcast, I told them I was going on a podcast, I was going to be sharing my story and if they want to know my story I'm happy to tell them.

00:34:24.630 --> 00:34:26.572
I know they knew a little bit about it.

00:34:26.572 --> 00:34:32.871
They knew just like, oh, and it's not light, it's like mom was hit by a truck.

00:34:32.871 --> 00:34:37.235
It's not real light and fuzzy and happy.

00:34:37.235 --> 00:34:42.757
And I was like, if you want to know more about that, I'm happy to share with you.

00:34:42.757 --> 00:34:47.893
If you want to hear it from me directly, or if you want to listen to the podcast, it's totally up to you.

00:34:47.893 --> 00:34:51.996
And they're just, they're like, oh, we'd love to hear it.

00:34:52.224 --> 00:34:59.679
And so I told them and I just kind of gave them the abbreviated version.

00:34:59.679 --> 00:35:05.615
I didn't say like I was falling down drunk, you know.

00:35:05.615 --> 00:35:08.586
Yeah, I don't know, I don't even.

00:35:08.586 --> 00:35:13.177
It's just for their age.

00:35:13.177 --> 00:35:22.619
I just wanted them to know that if it wasn't't for god, I probably wouldn't be here.

00:35:22.619 --> 00:35:28.273
There's just no way I could have survived being struck by a truck going that fast.

00:35:28.273 --> 00:35:28.996
I really don't.

00:35:28.996 --> 00:35:42.753
I don't know many people who I don't know anyone else who has been through that experience, right it's truly pretty savage so my son, as sweet as he, he's like whoa mom, you have lure and I'm like what is?

00:35:42.833 --> 00:35:43.896
what are you talking about?

00:35:43.896 --> 00:35:44.277
What lure?

00:35:46.246 --> 00:35:48.472
I think that's like a term no, I have an 18 year old too.

00:35:48.472 --> 00:35:50.416
He uses words all the time I have no idea.

00:35:50.416 --> 00:35:50.887
I was like.

00:35:50.887 --> 00:35:56.228
So that that means like good, right, he's like yeah, it's like, because I'm thinking like fishing sure sure.

00:35:56.791 --> 00:36:07.398
And so, yeah, and I was like, oh, that's so, like just so comforting that he was just like so positive and wanted to hear more.

00:36:07.398 --> 00:36:11.148
And my daughter's like I'm never going to a bar, ever, yeah.

00:36:11.148 --> 00:36:19.956
And my husband's like that's perfect, right uh love that to be a thing, I know I'm like no, you just, you know, you, you know, you just got to plan accordingly.

00:36:19.956 --> 00:36:29.659
And with alcohol, it's just you know, inhibitions are lowered once you pass a threshold.

00:36:29.659 --> 00:36:31.411
You know it's.

00:36:32.434 --> 00:36:40.617
You just have to drink responsibly, yeah Well, and being able to talk about that with them so that you're able to have those conversations of here's what that looks like.

00:36:40.617 --> 00:36:51.001
You know, I think being open with your kiddos is the most valuable thing that you can bring to it without hiding anything, including the emotions that kind of went into that.

00:36:51.001 --> 00:36:53.208
You know if you're able to share with your kids about.

00:36:53.208 --> 00:37:07.804
You know what that brought up for you, whether it was guilt or shame or the you know the feelings of any of the stuff that kind of came out as you're processing that, even as you're processing things now that maybe you didn't realize were even under the rug, that needed to be processed.

00:37:07.844 --> 00:37:13.117
I think, doing that in front of them, especially at 15 and 16, they're smart, those 15,.

00:37:13.117 --> 00:37:16.793
I mean they have a computer that they carry in their pockets, that can tell yes.

00:37:16.813 --> 00:37:23.396
That can tell them anything, anything, right, so you know they don't need us to coddle them at that age and not say the thing.

00:37:23.396 --> 00:37:25.152
So it's pretty interesting.

00:37:25.152 --> 00:37:27.974
I have kiddos that we just we talk about literally everything.

00:37:27.974 --> 00:37:29.219
Nothing is off the table.

00:37:29.219 --> 00:37:35.146
At my house I was talking to Mel before we started the podcast and she was telling about her kiddos and having this safety zone.

00:37:35.146 --> 00:37:36.969
I hope you don't mind me saying that.

00:37:36.969 --> 00:37:52.764
Having this safety zone where it's like her kiddos can say like request safety zone, which means mom doesn't get to say anything, she just gets to listen with no expression on her face oh, that's so good I wanted to share that because I think what an amazing tool to be able to implement with your kids, so that they

00:37:52.804 --> 00:38:19.856
feel safe to be able to say any of the things right, because that, really, when you are able to hold space for them in a way where they're not in trouble for anything, you're not going to judge them for anything, you're just going to be supportive, it's really powerful to be able to do that with your kids it is, and nine times out of ten we've either experienced it, whatever it is they're going through, or we know someone who has experienced, whatever it may be.

00:38:19.856 --> 00:38:21.525
Yeah, and then they can handle it and navigate anything.

00:38:21.565 --> 00:38:22.989
Yeah, we can handle it.

00:38:22.989 --> 00:38:25.235
You can tell us we're not gonna freak out.

00:38:25.235 --> 00:38:27.367
But yeah, we have to keep a straight face.

00:38:27.367 --> 00:38:31.677
I yeah my daughter like if I make too many faces she does not like it.

00:38:31.677 --> 00:38:34.510
So I really have to zone in and just listen.

00:38:34.510 --> 00:38:37.016
I'm just listening like a straight face.

00:38:37.117 --> 00:38:39.532
A lot of times in my head I'm thinking is this really my life right now?

00:38:39.532 --> 00:38:43.817
Because my kids say outrageous things to me, especially my middle daughter.

00:38:43.817 --> 00:38:46.340
I think she does it just to try to see if she can get a reaction out of me.

00:38:46.360 --> 00:38:47.083
Yes, oh, absolutely.

00:38:47.304 --> 00:38:51.197
I'm just sitting there with a straight face while she's vomiting all over word vomiting everywhere.

00:38:51.197 --> 00:39:00.827
I'm just like it's fine, everything's fine is fine, just don't make a face.

00:39:00.847 --> 00:39:02.532
It's like okay, then what are we going to do about that?

00:39:02.532 --> 00:39:06.041
Whatever it is, yeah, give it some time to process and I don't I try not to like give too much advice.

00:39:06.041 --> 00:39:07.045
Yeah, right off.

00:39:07.045 --> 00:39:07.967
Yes, which is great.

00:39:08.009 --> 00:39:12.469
Sometimes they just need you to listen and hold space oh for sure I think parents think so much that they need to.

00:39:12.469 --> 00:39:13.751
We don't know anything.

00:39:13.751 --> 00:39:15.476
Stop talking right like let them.

00:39:15.476 --> 00:39:25.693
Let them talk and talk through their feelings and encourage them, be curious with them, them about the things that come up for them, instead of giving our old, shitty advice that's from however long ago that was just handed down to us.

00:39:25.693 --> 00:39:27.567
I don't know that I had much advice.

00:39:27.588 --> 00:39:42.867
Well, exactly Right, so we're just making it up from this stupid places that we got from wherever that was, you know, and then a lot of parents think, okay, well, we know everything, so we're kind of coming from this authority place and you know I'm the parent, so I'm not going to be the one that learns from my kids and I think you're missing the boat.

00:39:43.188 --> 00:39:53.876
You know, if you're coming at it from that place where you're the authority figure and you're the one that's giving the advice or telling the stuff, it's like come from a place of curiosity so that you can help them unpack how those things make them feel.

00:39:53.876 --> 00:40:06.188
You know, and when you are willing to talk with your kids about experiences that you had or you know, for me, I'm very vocal with my kiddos about, you know, my drinking career, which ended eight years ago, luckily.

00:40:06.188 --> 00:40:10.967
But being able to really share that with them is something where it's like I don't sugarcoat that stuff.

00:40:10.967 --> 00:40:12.831
It was not a pretty look, you know.

00:40:12.831 --> 00:40:36.704
For me, specifically, I had lots of, lots of challenges with alcohol and so being able to be vulnerable enough in front of your kids to speak about that, so that they can see we're not perfect, I'm just, I'm just a steward of getting you to where you can feed yourself and, and you know, get out there and do your own human experience, I don't know any better than anybody else does right so it's fun to do that.

00:40:36.726 --> 00:40:52.414
So do you talk with your daughter about kind of being careful in situations where you know, like the getting roofied, I mean I see certain things that just make me sick to my stomach of how easy that is and it's like these girls go out and it's like, oh, we're gonna have such a good time, very similar to what you did, right.

00:40:52.434 --> 00:41:04.152
It's like, oh, we're celebrating, we're gonna have such a good time, not a care in the world, and then it just really um changes the whole course of your life yeah, I think I have her whole life kind of.

00:41:05.034 --> 00:41:11.264
Uh, hopefully I didn't put her too much on edge, but just always looking over my shoulder like thinking I'm going to be kidnapped.

00:41:11.264 --> 00:41:36.152
I don't want her to be kidnapped and it just it wasn't like, yeah, I just we are an Air Force family, my husband's retired, so we would move into new situations every like 10 months to two years, two to three years, and so I don't know.

00:41:36.152 --> 00:41:39.527
It was always like stay right by me, stay right, so like that safety net.

00:41:39.527 --> 00:41:40.923
I was always like stay right by me, stay right, so like that safety net.

00:41:40.923 --> 00:41:41.996
I was always her safety net.

00:41:42.697 --> 00:41:48.764
And now, yeah, the conversation has kind of turned to like who are your friends?

00:41:48.764 --> 00:41:50.447
What are they doing?

00:41:50.447 --> 00:42:06.590
You know, put yourself in a situation where you can get out, you can call me, you can always call me and anything, or your dad or someone another trusted adult Just being able to navigate.

00:42:06.590 --> 00:42:18.442
Yeah, when they do my son, it's different, like I feel like he has already shown me that he is so responsible and will not go with whatever the crowd's doing.

00:42:18.442 --> 00:42:20.871
I mean, is he still a child?

00:42:20.871 --> 00:42:24.974
Yes, he's a young man, but you know he's still.

00:42:25.074 --> 00:42:25.916
You can read that.

00:42:25.916 --> 00:42:27.411
You can read that on kiddos.

00:42:27.411 --> 00:42:36.855
I think you know and I think it's awesome when you have kids that don't want to just get in with the herd you know, and really kind of march to the beat of their own drummer.

00:42:37.005 --> 00:42:38.230
That's what I want for my kids.

00:42:38.532 --> 00:42:38.813
Right.

00:42:44.405 --> 00:42:46.610
You know they now and really kind of march to the the beat of their own drummer.

00:42:46.610 --> 00:42:59.552
That's all I want for my kids, right, you know they stand up for what they believe and I think, uh, young women have maybe a little bit more influence from their friends, more than um males, in a way that you know they want to um, whether it comes from how they want to look or dress to.

00:42:59.552 --> 00:43:23.161
You know it really needs to be about how what's who is helping them to be their best self and who makes them feel most like themselves, or that they can be honest and open and feel good and not feel like they need have anything to prove yeah to someone else.

00:43:23.161 --> 00:43:29.463
Um, so I mean, she's 15, she'll be 16 and she is ready to get her license.

00:43:29.523 --> 00:43:34.411
I mean she's counting down the days she's ready to get out there and start terrorizing the?

00:43:34.871 --> 00:43:35.233
roads.

00:43:35.233 --> 00:43:42.753
Yes, yes, and yeah, she's not really intimidated by life and I love her.

00:43:42.753 --> 00:43:53.010
She has a much stronger confidence than me, probably at that age, and I don't know.

00:43:53.010 --> 00:43:54.331
I'm happy about that.

00:43:54.331 --> 00:44:16.735
I'm happy that her confidence is probably due to her faith and her upbringing, and I always tried to have that backbone in them that they, um, can turn to the Lord for anything, for a relationship, for, uh, encouragement, love.

00:44:16.735 --> 00:44:25.353
You know're going to get way more love from Jesus than anyone in the world, yeah, other than me.

00:44:25.614 --> 00:44:44.889
Well, having a, having a strong belief in your higher power and really being comfortable in who you are as a person, without outside influences, is so important, right, because your friends will chatter and all of that stuff will come and go, but really being steadfast in who you are and, you know, having a support system in you, it's extremely important for them.

00:44:45.369 --> 00:45:26.177
I look at raising kids now and I'm so happy my son is graduating high school tomorrow and I'm so happy to not have little kids anymore, because what is happening around us to me with, like, social media and trying to keep your kids grounded and not, you know, like being able to be their authentic selves and comfortable with who they are and, you know, have an understanding of you know, their higher power or whatever that looks like for each individual, that's so important to me, but I think it's just there's so much noise, there's so much noise that it makes it so hard for them to just get quiet and and really have an understanding of who they are, you know, which, I think, is what brings in all of this kind of outside BS that a lot of us, you know, struggle with over the years.

00:45:26.398 --> 00:45:27.539
Oh, my goodness.

00:45:27.726 --> 00:45:27.949
Yes.

00:45:28.030 --> 00:45:38.038
I could not imagine, I mean now, even like us as moms, now trying to navigate that with our children.

00:45:38.038 --> 00:46:02.740
Like's the research, like you got to put the phone down, like you got to have some self-control here and and then you, we have so much more to worry about as far as like teaching them, like, yeah, you've got to set boundaries for yourself and, you know, with your relationships with others.

00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:08.621
Sure, and yeah, it's just there's so much, there's so much numbing that happens.

00:46:08.884 --> 00:46:09.005
Yes.

00:46:09.226 --> 00:46:10.150
So much numbing.

00:46:10.170 --> 00:46:56.032
Yeah, it's savage when you look around at it, it is Once you see it, you can't unsee it you know no, so you look around and you watch as people numb with things and it's like everyone's so afraid to just be quiet and be with themselves, right, like I talk about emotional intelligence a lot on this podcast because I think that that's hugely important with everything right, I think that contributes to the problems the way that we have them nowadays, because people don't understand their emotions or how to work with them, you know, and then we just numb, right, we get into this hamster wheel of life where we're just rinse, lather, repeating stuff and not really connecting, not really having that, where we set our phones down or our technology down or whatever it is that we're numbing with alcohol or whatever it is.

00:46:56.925 --> 00:47:02.056
So I think that's really important in families to to have those conversations and to talk about how that makes you feel.

00:47:02.056 --> 00:47:17.210
How does it make you feel when this happens or that happens, you know, and they're still going to have their phones, they're still going to do all the stuff that they do, but knowing that you're that safe space and and being able to talk with you about anything and modeling emotional intelligence to them too.

00:47:17.251 --> 00:47:21.855
You know I work on myself so that I can be a better version of myself for them Right.

00:47:21.875 --> 00:47:28.362
Like, yes, for me too, but they're watching, my eight-year-old self is watching, my 80-year-old self is watching, you know?

00:47:28.362 --> 00:47:40.956
So being able to have emotional intelligence and really say, okay, I don't want to carry that guilt or shame around or I'm not going to like, like whatever it looks like, right, like your story is is unique to you, but everyone has their, their things.

00:47:40.956 --> 00:48:07.322
That then, if they don't heal all the way from, or if they don't process all the way from, you know when you're talking about you're, you're looking over your shoulder and you're worried you're passing that down to your daughter you know, and we wouldn't want to do that, but we do it all the time we, we do right, we have these, these experiences that happen and then it's like we don't fully heal from that, you know.

00:48:07.425 --> 00:48:10.713
So really doing the work you said that you were had tried EMDR.

00:48:10.713 --> 00:48:13.914
Was that effective in kind of helping with your stuff?

00:48:13.965 --> 00:48:19.632
Is that something that you'll continue with or I oh, Is that something that you'll continue with?

00:48:19.632 --> 00:48:22.976
Oh yeah, I will definitely continue with it.

00:48:22.976 --> 00:48:26.179
And after the first session yeah, I mean, it was heavy.

00:48:28.045 --> 00:48:28.907
It was really heavy.

00:48:28.927 --> 00:48:38.635
I didn't really realize how much my body had just held on to so much, and so I was really tired the next day.

00:48:38.704 --> 00:48:51.427
Well, you just ran an emotional marathon you know, that's what they say with that kind of work yeah, I think that kind of work is way more powerful than just doing like talk therapy, and nothing against talk therapy, but it's like that is powerful to me and there wasn't.

00:48:51.487 --> 00:48:59.371
that wasn't really available at the time, or maybe my therapist didn't know or all the different therapists it hadn't really been brought up until recently.

00:48:59.371 --> 00:49:05.320
Yeah, and so I I'm excited to like unpack that, yeah for sure.

00:49:05.320 --> 00:49:25.800
And um, yeah, I, I love being intentional with my kids and really trying to um, just, yeah, we need, we need to just be intentional with our relationships with our children and, like said, have that connection and teach them how to have a connection with others and community.

00:49:25.800 --> 00:49:36.175
Because, yeah, I think when I was younger it was more about numbing the pain or, yeah, just still pretending like they are.

00:49:36.925 --> 00:49:43.248
I loved your intro, you know, just about pretending to be someone else.

00:49:43.248 --> 00:49:47.938
And now it's just like it's not on TV but it's on social media.

00:49:47.938 --> 00:49:58.452
But when we were younger, like maybe that was on TV, it was like Oprah with her talk, sure Uh with her talk show and that's how people were sharing, but they were being authentic for the most, I think.

00:49:58.452 --> 00:50:05.661
But now it's like trying to be something you're not, but on social media.

00:50:05.661 --> 00:50:15.202
But instead, you know we really still need that community and to be our vulnerable and open up, yeah about anything.

00:50:15.262 --> 00:50:17.009
You isolate yourself by doing that.

00:50:17.009 --> 00:50:20.007
You know everyone that's trying to pretend to be something that they're not.

00:50:20.007 --> 00:50:21.972
You're isolating yourself, right.

00:50:21.972 --> 00:50:31.530
You're not dealing with your authentic self and really being able to to express yourself in those ways and have connection with other people, then you feel disconnected.

00:50:31.530 --> 00:50:32.472
Then we numb, right.

00:50:32.472 --> 00:50:34.226
I mean it's just, we don't deal with our shit.

00:50:34.226 --> 00:50:35.972
We numb, we deal don't deal with our shit.

00:50:36.012 --> 00:50:36.333
We numb.

00:50:36.333 --> 00:50:37.034
We don't deal with our shit.

00:50:37.034 --> 00:50:40.856
We just keep pushing it down that whole I'm fine, it's fine, everything's fine.

00:50:40.856 --> 00:50:42.985
It's like open your eyes, people.

00:50:42.985 --> 00:50:44.106
You know it's.

00:50:44.106 --> 00:50:45.690
It's not, it's not fun.

00:50:45.690 --> 00:51:01.246
We need to be able to like talk about the things and there's not an award that you get at the end if, like you, were the least messy because I'm definitely not in the running for that, just FYI to everyone messiest messiest, exactly messy exactly Messy AF, you know, and that's okay, right, like I know who I am.

00:51:01.286 --> 00:51:04.646
I'm not trying to be somebody that I'm not, and I encourage other people to do the same thing.

00:51:04.646 --> 00:51:09.509
I think the more that we do that in front of other people, it gives them permission to do the same right.

00:51:09.509 --> 00:51:17.271
Like my family is a group of misfits in the best possible way, because everyone just marches to the beat of their own drummer and doesn't give a fuck.

00:51:17.271 --> 00:51:24.092
It's so lovely, right Like we're kind, we're good people, we're all the things, but we're not trying to put on you know, masks.

00:51:24.172 --> 00:51:28.936
We're done with that you know and I encourage other people to really be able to set that down too, for sure.

00:51:28.936 --> 00:51:33.148
Well, thank you so much, tricia, for coming and spending time with me today and sharing your story.

00:51:33.148 --> 00:51:34.268
I really appreciate it.

00:51:34.268 --> 00:51:37.811
So, yeah, that's our time for today.

00:51:37.811 --> 00:51:54.869
If you would do all of the things to support the podcast, follow share rate review and then if you have questions or suggestions, please send us an email.

00:51:54.869 --> 00:51:56.132
Ladies at letsgetnakedpodcastcom.

00:51:56.132 --> 00:51:58.396
Catch you next time.

00:51:58.396 --> 00:51:59.617
That's a wrap.

00:51:59.617 --> 00:52:01.402
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

00:52:01.402 --> 00:52:02.483
Let's get naked.